You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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