areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
