they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
