Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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