I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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