i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
