Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
