i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
