I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
