I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
