What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize