I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
