Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
