So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
