Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
