I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
