Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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