I need help removing her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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