I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
