I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
