woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
