hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
