peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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