im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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