check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
