Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
