Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
