Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
