How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
40s are totally the cure
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
