so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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