I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
