You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
