Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
