In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
