never play flip cup with pint glasses
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
