From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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