I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
