I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
