During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
