So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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