before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
