Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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