We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize