So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
