I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
