It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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