have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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