So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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