am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize