I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
