Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
