i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
