I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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