I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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