Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
