M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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