Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
