Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im holly from the hills drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
