Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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