You smell like stripper and shame
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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