I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
