I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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