k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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