you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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