I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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