So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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