We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
