There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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