At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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