saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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