I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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