dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
