I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
