margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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