that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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