oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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