That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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