i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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