grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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