In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize