I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
