So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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